


I’m Riskin’ Everything (On You, On You, On You)

by screaminghere



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-12
Updated: 2020-05-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:34:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,240
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24146719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/screaminghere/pseuds/screaminghere
Summary: God, stay on track Jonathan—trying to come to important self-realizations, here.
Relationships: Evan Fong/Jonathan | H2ODelirious
Comments: 4
Kudos: 42





	I’m Riskin’ Everything (On You, On You, On You)

**Author's Note:**

> Want You, Rynx: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ogRCYa6-WSA
> 
> Malibu, Miley Cyrus: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8j9zMok6two
> 
> Tiffany Blews, Fall Out Boy: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5zqVFyv5lnE
> 
> Obligatory Rynx lyrics in the title lol

Evan kissed him, which is, like, a weird reaction to being told that he’s a stuck-up piece of shit. Right? Maybe it’s a kink of his. Come to think of it, wouldn’t it make sense for someone who’s an asshole to take pride in being an asshole?

Okay, that might be a little bit unfair. Evan isn’t an asshole, Jonathan knows that. Evan is, on most accounts, actually pretty nice. He cares about his friends. In fact, that’s probably the reason it hurt so much to be ignored by him—because Evan isn’t an asshole and if he’s ignoring Jonathan, there is therefore a possibility that Jonathan is actually the asshole.

That’s really the question: is Jonathan the asshole? He wasn’t the one going out of his way to dm their friends to coordinate videos, when he could’ve just used their group chat.

And alright, yeah, that’s not the biggest deal. It’s just texting, and like, playing minecraft. Evan didn’t owe it to him to include him in every video. In fact, Jonathan’s done the same shit with some of their other friends, and he knows that Evan has too. But when Evan did it to him… it… it hurt especially bad. It hurt in that weird, cold in your chest kinda way. When it hurts that bad, how could Evan not be the asshole?

Jonathan… takes a moment to think about that.

While he’s at it, he thinks about Evan’s hand on his jaw and Evan’s eyes on his lips. He thinks about the pounding of his heart and how his words shriveled and died on his tongue.

Jonathan touches his own mouth to make sure it feels the same it did before. It sinks in.

“Holy shit,” he whispers. He clasps a hand over his face. Evan’s voice saying his name and he’s so, so close. Jonathan fights to keep from flushing and loses horribly.

Jesus Christ. Evan kissed him. 

God, stay on track Jonathan—trying to come to important self-realizations, here.

He wouldn’t do it to Evan, he decides, that’s his conclusion. He would never have a reason to do that to Evan, or at least he can’t think of one. And, because he would never do that to Evan, it hurt worse than it usually would, when Evan did that to him. 

The ignoring part, that is. It hurts that Evan ignored him, not that he kissed him. Jonathan wouldn’t ignore him like that, not that he wouldn’t kiss… him. The kissing didn’t hurt. 

Fuck. Whatever. 

Jonathan had been blindsided and it fucking hurt. Now, why did Evan kiss him? He truly doubted the whole kink-for-being-called-an-asshole theory. But on the other hand, if he was trying to apologize, making out seems a bit extreme. And why would he run afterwards?

Wait. Maybe it explains some things. If Evan had been wanting to kiss him for whatever reason, that would be a good motive to avoid him. In fact, that’s the one time that Jonathan might do the same to Evan. Probably. Maybe. It’s hard to give up talking to Evan.

Hm.

That statement probably says something important about Jonathan. Jonathan wonders where Evan actually went, and then he worries about where Evan actually went.

He calls Evan on his phone. When Evan doesn’t pick up the first time, he calls five more times. 

He still doesn’t pick up. Jonathan leaves a message.

“Hey, uh…” He clears his throat. “We have to talk, man.” Is that too serious? What was Evan thinking? “I want to talk. We should… we should talk. I miss talking to you.” Jonathan shakes his head, sighs, and gives up. “Call me back, please.”

Only five minutes go by when Evan calls, and Jonathan picks it up on the first ring.

“Hey,” Evan says.

“Hey,” Jonathan says. What conversationalists they are. So glad they talk for a living. “Where are you? You kinda left in… a rush.”

Evan laughs on the other side, it comes through grainy and Jonathan can hear cars passing. “Um,” He laughs again. “I’m not sure. I think I’m having a panic attack.”

“Oh,” Jonathan says. Youtuber extraordinaire. “Oh,” he says again. “That’s not good, can you share your location?”

“Probably,” Evan says, his voice sounding like he’s farther from his phone.

“Okay, do that, please.” 

There’s only the sound of traffic and then Evan’s ‘find my phone’ notification pops up.

“Alright, I’m on my way, you’re not far.”

“Don’t hang up,” Evan says, at a normal volume again.

Jonathan’s mind goes completely blank. He doesn’t like the way Evan’s voice sounds right now. “I won’t.”

Evan’s close, less than a mile away a road over, on the busy street. Jonathan starts his car and drives, no time to let the engine warm up, it’s starting to get dark. Evan’s car is still here.

“I’m sorry for being such an asshole,” Evan mumbles from the phone, voice cracking in a way Jonathan’s never heard from him before—like he’s about to cry.

“I’ll forgive you later, I’m almost there.”

Jonathan spots him, sitting on the curb, cars swerving a few feet out of their lane to cautiously avoid him. Jonathan parks on the side, turning his hazard lights on. He hangs up as he steps out into the chill.

Jonathan runs up to Evan with his hands outstretched, but then he’s not sure that Evan should be touched.

Then again, Evan did kiss him, he can’t forget that bit. Evan kissed him because… because of reasons unknown. Jonathan will find out later.

“Hey, Evan-“

“I love you,” Evan says, looking up as Jonathan stands over him. “I really love you and I don’t know what to do.”

Okay. Or Jonathan can find out right now. That works too.

“Let’s talk about it at my place, okay?” 

Evan’s arms are wrapped around himself, he only has a t-shirt on. His jacket is lying on the back of Jonathan’s breakfast counter chair.

“I’m really sorry, John.” Evan is… crying. “I’m so sorry I made you feel like I didn’t want to talk to you, I don’t know what to do.” Evan rips his eyes away from Jonathan to bury his face in his hands.

Jonathan hovers awkwardly and battles with the urge to crack a joke. He has to think about this rationally but there is no time for rational. What should he do?

He’s at a loss there, so he switches to what he wants to do. He wants Evan to get in his car and avoid hypothermia. He wants to go play a round of Mario Kart because they both suck ass at Mario Kart and it would be so much fun. He wants Evan to stop crying, most of all.

Evan’s head is now resting on his legs, his hands tangled in his own hair and pulling so hard it probably hurts. Jonathan’s a little miffed at how he’s supposed to respond to someone being this upset over loving him. His body convulses but Jonathan can hardly hear him crying, only shuddering gasps for air. So, he has to do something.

“Hey, it’s okay.”

Jonathan takes off his jacket and tucks it around Evan’s shoulders. Then he hugs Evan, as best as he can with Evan being in an upright fetal position. Evan shakes under his hands.

“You’re okay, Evan. S’not the end of the world.”

It may not have been the right decision. Jonathan isn’t good with emotions and he never has been. He’s the funny guy, he’s supposed to say stupid shit with a dumb voice and revel in the laughs it earns him, not deal with someone having a break down over him. It sucks to be that way now because his best friend kissed him seemingly out of the blue and then confessed to him on the side of a road. 

Best friend. As in, like, the best out of his friends. That’s an interesting admission. It makes sense, and it starts to make other things make sense, as well. Jonathan, against his will, starts thinking about kissing again.

Evan turns so he can return the hug. He hides his face on Jonathan’s shoulder and he sobs like a grieving man. Jonathan doesn’t understand it but he rubs Evan’s back and prays that they can get in his car soon.

“I’m sorry, John,” Evan says, muffled.

“It’s okay,” Jonathan replies, and he means it, this time.

Evan shakes his head minutely against him, so Jonathan can feel it, vaguely aware of his shirt becoming wet.

“It’s not okay. I love you.” Evan moves his head away just enough to where his next words are clear, but not enough for Jonathan to see his face. “How can I treat you that way?”

“I don’t know,” Jonathan says, and he stops rubbing circles into Evan’s back. “But I love you, too. Did you know that?”

Evan doesn’t respond.

“Yeah, I… me neither. I just figured it out.” Jonathan chokes out a nervous laugh.

Evan still doesn’t respond. Jonathan gently pushes him back by the shoulders and sees there are new tears starting to streak down his already red face.

“Evan?”

“John,” Evan says, looking directly at him. His glossy eyes are beautiful. Pretty crier and all that. Before he has time to realize that he’s touching Evan’s face, Jonathan brushes away another tear starting to trail. He leaves his hand where it is.

“Can we go back to my place and talk?”

Evan stares at him, then he nods, very quiet. Jonathan thinks he might be at just as much of a loss when it comes to this shit. 

Evan gets into his car and when Jonathan looks at him from the driver’s seat he looks embarrassed. But not like a bashful type of embarrassed, it’s that confident postured, avoiding eye contact, looking out the window while pretending to be deep in thought kind of awkward. 

He’s still wearing Jonathan’s jacket. 

Something about that makes Jonathan smile. The something being the fact that Evan, who Jonathan is pretty sure he’s in love with, is wearing his jacket like it belongs on him, of course. 

Jonathan starts thinking about kissing Evan again, then he almost runs a stop sign and slams the car to a stop.

“Shit!” Evan yells, grabbing the door handle. Jonathan laughs in return. “You’re fuckin’ crazy!” But Evan’s smiling now, too. Jonathan thinks he could write something really poetic about Evan’s smile. 

Evan, his best friend, who he’s now almost completely sure he’s in love with. Evan, who Jonathan missed being able to talk to, extraordinarily so.

Jonathan pulls into the parking lot and Evan’s smile is gone by the time the car doors close again.

The elevator is also painful, and Evan shuffles on his feet, keeping distance between himself and Jonathan.

“I’m uh, also sorry about showing up out of the blue.”

“Never a bother, Ev.”

“And for running out into the night like a lunatic and making you come pick me up.”

“What else am I here for?”

“And… about kissing you.”

The idea of ever needing an apology for that floors Jonathan so hard that he doesn’t know how to respond.

“I was just frustrated. I know that’s like, probably not something you wanted as you’re cursing me out.” Evan laughs.

Jonathan laughs too, but he steps a bit closer and says, “To be honest, I don’t think there’s a time where I wouldn’t want to kiss you.” 

Evan’s face is positively incredulous. Jonathan smiles at him, and Evan, still a bit red around the eyes, smiles back. Is now a weird time to kiss? Should he wait until they talk about it?

Evan sets his hand on Jonathan’s jaw and makes up his mind before Jonathan can.

“You won’t go running out this time?” Jonathan asks against Evan’s lips.

“Not unless you start calling me names again.”

Jonathan settles his hands on Evan’s waist and kisses him again, only wincing a little bit at the sound of it in the dead-silent elevator.

Jonathan barely has enough time to get out the words, “no promises,” as Evan chases his mouth and tugs Jonathan closer by the hand he has clutched to the back of Jonathan’s neck. He shivers when Evan catches his bottom lip with his teeth and drags.

The elevator dings as the doors slide open.

Evan gives him one last peck before smiling at him again. Jonathan hopes he doesn’t look as dazed as he feels.

“I love you, so much.”

“Holy shit,” is the only thing Jonathan can say.

Evan brushes his thumb over Jonathan’s lips in an impossibly tender way. “Take me back to your place?” 

Evan says it differently. Evan doesn’t want to hang out at Jonathan’s shitty, small apartment, he wants to be taken back to Jonathan’s shitty, small apartment. A part of him still thinks that maybe they should talk to each other first. Another, much larger part, suggests that maybe Jonathan should just stop overthinking it. Evan’s still waiting for an answer.

“I-“ 

The elevator doors start to shut again and Jonathan and Evan both leap for the button to keep them open, colliding in the process, which makes Evan laugh, who in turn makes Jonathan laugh. Jonathan can’t help but think this is everything he’s ever wanted.

“Yeah,” Jonathan gets out between giggles. Evan reaches for his hand and Jonathan gives it to him. “My place. I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> I call this one “how well can I write the inner emotional workings about these people whose personalities I’m basing off of their interactions while they’re playing video games for views” AKA “how much can I project onto a character before it’s too annoying and obvious” AKA “how much over thinking is too much and therefore boring” AKA “I used the common spelling of “John” because it doesn’t make sense to spell it “Jon” as if there’s anyone who goes by “John” whose actual name isn’t Jonathan” AKA “I wrote most of this in like two hours during what felt like a spell of possession and then spent a few days picking over it and I’m still not sure about it but it’s got a lot of feeling to it at least also Delirious lives in an apartment complex and Evan lives nearby I guess because it’s so much more convenient than having him visit for a vacation or some shit also also Delirious doesn’t just like wear a hockey mask or clown makeup around like I’ve seen some people write it because he’s not an actual freak” AKA “I’m trying for realism but I don’t know if that makes it boring” AKA HOW MANY FUCKING ELIPSES CAN I USE IN ONE STORY anyway gotta post this before I change my mind about the sacrifice of pride and honor I have to have in order to post a fic about youtubers in the year 2020 thank you for reading I hope you enjoyed I’m having quite the time and I 100% blame quarantine.


End file.
